This is a blog based on the real life story of a woman, a wife and a mother to ten children and two grandchildren.
This is a story many shares, many will find themselves right in the middle of it, a story many are related to it but never got the chance or the courage to share their story.
A Story that might resonate in your ears and in your heart. A story that might make you realized you are not alone you’re not crazy, you’re not cruel, you’re not useless and pathetic and if you find yourself fit right in to this story then I am pleased and forever pleased my mission has completed with you.
It’s been more than ten years and still going since I stared my struggle with depression.
In the [my journey with depression category ]you will find my experience and struggles with depression.
In the peek of my depression I started a youtube channel. I was so desperate to share my struggle in the hope someone will come across it and let me know I am not alone. My condition got worse, I ended up spending all my days in bed so the channel was abandoned as quick as it went up.
For some reason unknown to me, I felt so alone, so isolated. I felt like I was struggling something peculiar to only a certain type of people. Depression is not unheard of and certainly not unknown to me. However I have always known it as something that associated with weak people or people who have a defect in their brain but due to what I have no idea. I knew all along there was a stigma associated with depression and this stigma is worse with mothers.
Around the same time I started the youtube channel I also started to blog. I used the blog more like a journal a virtual someone to share my pain and struggles with. An imaginary supporter if you like. I didn’t understand the world I was living in. I didn’t know who to turn to or where to turn to. I had no one on my side that can see through me what I’m going through.
A wrote a lot about how I feel at a particular day, if my day is low and I feel I can’t bare it alone then I write and let go of how I feel on my blog. The blog was an exit to freedom although virtual but it did me wondrous in freeing my mind and my soul of the burden sometimes .
Here I am, starting it all over again in the hope you or someone who is in the same shadow can find a place to finally called “virtual home” a place to find peace watching the life of someone like you unveiling infront of your eyes just like that. Feeling a sense of belonging somewhere, a sense of acceptance and normality that is hard or impossible to find in the physical world. Be my quest, release your inhibition and chat away, let go of your pain and your struggles, your not alone there are millions of you and me around this cruel world, this blog is for you. Find your reflection around this place navigate to categories then to “My Arduous Journey With Depression” there you might find yourself already expressing yourself there.
somewhere middle to late 2019 I started to feel a little bit better and it was then I realized how bad the condition of our home has been.
There was so much pain and confusion as i looked around and realized what has really been going on all these years.
While I still fall back sick every now and then, I have a burning desire to push on to get things back to what it use to be before I was struck with depression I’m facing a huge wave pushing me backwards and it scares the hell out of my soul.
Sometimes I cried because I can’t do it, I just cannot move, there is just no energy no motivation no will power at the same time my inner self want to get things done. This is one of the most difficult time of my life. During the peek of my depression, I was blinded on what was going around me. Dishes can pile for days and days on end it never affects me, never bothered me like before when I was healthy.
I did noticed the transition from a healthy person to an unhealthy person at the beginning
It was just like what I am going through now in the beginning. I’m fighting a losing battle . The desire to keep my home clean and do what I have always been doing to take care of my family was now against the effect of depression. There was an overwhelming frustration building inside me. The frustration turns into anger, then into fear, then into pain, then sadness, to tears day in and day out.
Then one day an avalanche of all these emotions come at me and just crush you me mercilessly to the extended I feel like I’m dying from inside.
I have come to realized nothing that is possible is really impossible util we decide it’s not possible before we even give it a go.
I have also come to realized the power of our mind is nothing we never heard of before and it’s something little of the human specie population believes it’s real. While in fact it really is something big that could really make ones life as smooth as can ever possibly be when one believe in it and adopt it with enthusiastic and utter belief.
I am a woman, a daughter, a wife, a mother to ten children , a grandmother to two darlings and an idealistic woman who believes in herself. I’m creative, love home life style, cooking, organisation, struggles with depression for over ten years and still going. housework is not my passion unless I look at it as a form of body fitness exercise.
I’m an avid vintage collector.
My passion is being who I really am from the inside out without the need to follow any trending style, fashion, culture etc,
I love second-hand store shopping it’s one place I find peace just by browsing all kind of weird and unrecognizable things nicely display on shelves or dump at the bottom of some boxes.
Vintage is my fashion style!
My Fashion Store: Second-hand Stores
Simplicity,affordability, manageable and functionality is my ideal way of decor and organization in my home.
I rarely buy from a department store, as I said above, I find peace in op-shops so it’s not surprising that even my home decor are mostly from op-shop stores.
Copyright, The Perfect Housewife 20-20