take rubbish outside at night

I fear taking the rubbish out in the daytime.

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Are you ashamed to take your rubbish outside during day time?

Ashamed? Does that sounds weird and confusing? There’s so many things people do not understand. People without depression do not know how much of a struggle we go through. Why do people with depression have so much weird problems?

When ever I am out of strength, lots of things are over-looked. I skipped lots of daily chores.

Our rubbish wheelie bins are not accessible. I have to take 15 stairs down to where the wheelie bins are. Every night when I clean and empty the bin of the kitchen and any other bins that are due for change, I have to take them down the 15 stairs.

Then comes a week of low energy, tiredness, headaches, low mood, deeply depressed. When these days happened, the rubbish will stay in the house in the kitchen or just outside the door at the back. 

The rubbish will pile until it’s the night before the collection or until I feel I can now take them down to the bins. Once they’re gone, I pile again. As long as I am not well enough to take trips down the 15 stairs to take the trash to the bins, I will continue to pile in the kitchen or just outside the door. Most of the time I put outside the door. 

 

What's the shame to take the trash out during daytime?

You might think your neighbour is minding thier own business and never noticed you when you bring out 10 or more bags of trash to the wheelie bins. While don’t be too naïve. we are human. 

So what if we are human? I hear you ask.

Like everything associated with depression, namely the stigma people with depression struggles with. There is a shame with many other things. 

Taking that much bags of rubbish outside is really ugly and clearly tells the neighbours I am lazy, my house is filthy. I must live in a house of flies. Sleep under molds and dirt. 

It’s these thoughts that go through my mind that kill my spirit. There is no way I will take the rubbish outside in broad daylight while all eyes are on me. 

I think, to feel ashamed about certain things is normal. It’s part of us human, sometimes it’s a prevention mechanism that protects from unwanted gossips that can cause harm to ourselves.

So there you have it. Now you know why some of us with depression only take our trash outside under the cloud of darkness.

If you want some motivations to get you started or to help you with your mind work exercise. Visit my YouTube channel. The channel does not teach anyone how to do something. It’s a motivational channel for mums with depression.

 

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