There’s no more denial of an enemy within myself. No matter how hard I try to convince myself better days are on the way, I’m still lying in tears, waiting. 

The enemy within me is unreachable. It’s dug too deep within my soul. I’m helpless and hopeless against the force of despair and pain.

 I’m a little tired. I’m a little sad, but I’m not mad.

A wife and a mother cripple with depression. Fighting on to stay alive. Holding on to a fading hope of love. Masking the pain as I go on each day.

The dishes piling to the top. The clutter took the benches. The pots sitting on the stove are empty.

Across the sink, through a big glass, sits a green mountain, the elegant blue sky just a few inches above it. The sheep, the lambs and the cattle roaming freely, eating from the fresh grass. They’re happy jumping and running.

I’m overwhelmed by what is in-front of me. Responsibility I could not run away from, nor I could ignore.

I sigh so deep until my chest bone felt a tinkling touch of pain. I took a deep breath and my mind went astray.

Tears rolling down my cheeks. My chest close so tight I can not breathe.

I’m drowning in this mess. I’m living in this pain. I’m fighting a losing battle. God, please give me the strength.

My mind is not as blue as the blue skies. My life is not as bright as the sunlight.

I’m holding on to the breeze. Hoping to take me somewhere, there is peace. I’m clinging on to my heart with the pride for what it had held, as I cry.