I’m down in life. For all I could hope for is far out of reach. I’m blinded by this pain and lost in the wilderness of dreams with no hope.

I don’t know what I am, who I am. The purpose of life seems cloudy.

Unsure about how

I’m feeling why I’m here, what’s my purpose, and how I will survive the many more moments of isolation in the dark ahead. The emotional pain and the physical pain aids each other against my innocent will to live.

I’m unable to function, unable to put myself together.

There’re no feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, etc,

I’m plain towards everything around me. 

At this very moment, as I write, I’m fighting to get control of my mind positively, so I will not lose it and have things get out of control

I can’t talk (lost my speech) when I go into shut down inactive brain mode. It’s up to me to stay alert, although I have already warned him, I’m not feeling okay, this way he knows if I stop talking and not responding it means I’m not around mentally and I need to be alone until I come out of the blackout mode.

Communication is by pen and paper. 

Sometimes just silence because I’m exhausted mentally and physically.

It’s a world I don’t understand, but have to live in it by force.

A world of loneliness and sorrow.